I'm So Normal (according to Bill)

I know earlier I said that my life is not average, but sometimes I am truly thankful for how "normal" my private life is, relatively speaking.

One night, back when I was still living at Number One Observatory Circle, we got a knock on our door at about 11:30pm. Bill was there, wearing pajamas with feet, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

He asked if he could crash on my couch, and of course I told him I had to ask Tipper first.... JK, he came in and we started chatting. Tipper came down and warmed up a glass of milk for him. As you probably guessed, this was during the whole Lewinsky debacle, and needless to say things were preeeetty rocky back at the White House.

When Tipper went back upstairs to bed, Bill looked at me, shook his head, and just said "Al, how can you be so f---ing normal?"

I just smiled and told him "Well, I'll probably get a little weirder someday. My time just hasn't come yet."

But then the poor, bedraggled Bill got a little glint in his eye. It was a little glimmer of the old, feisty Bill who we all know and love. I expected him to jump up and drag us out the door to a strip club. But instead he said, "We should start a rumor that you're gay!"

I was not amused. "Bill, I don't think - "

"No wait, hear me out Al. It would be so freaking hilarious!! Cause of course we all know that you're not gay. But the media would have a field day with it!! And then you'd have to do this awkward thing where you say you're not gay but without saying anything that offended the gay community.... Oh man, I am loving this idea!! Get what's-her-face, your PR lady on the phone!"

"Hmmmmm. And, I suppose this media feeding frenzy would take some of the heat off of your Lewinsky thing."


You know what? I almost did it. I mean, Bill is a true friend and we've both taken punches for each other before. We sat around and talked about make-believe Al Gore scandals till 3 in the morning. Of course our PR people convinced us that it would be a nightmare for both of our careers, so in the end, as you know, it didn't happen. Bill was right though, it would have been super funny.